Saturday, February 28, 2009

And it looked like a painting I once knew,
Back when my thoughts weren't entirely intact.
But the hardest things to say are the words that mean the most,
So I'll bite my tongue 'til it bleeds and I doubt you'll even know.

17 hours and 31 minutes to go.
For some reason, I'm freaking out so bad that everytime I think about the trip, I start hyperventilating.
My heart just beats really fast that I think the arteries are gonna burst anytime soon.
Yes, first overseas trip alone. Without family that is.
It wouldn't be this bad if it's to Italy, Australia, UK, Germany...
But noooooo I'm going to CHINA!!!
Zhong Guo, here I come babeh.
2 weeks away from sunny singapore, pure bliss I would say.
But then again, reality hits me and it's China I'm going to, not some Universal Studio holiday.
Oh dang! This means no Disney channel, Playhouse Disney, Radio Disney, Youtube and Travel & Living for 14 days.
Deprivation is an understatement.
10% excited, 30% scared and 60% nervous.
Oh good gracious, what have I gotten myself into?

♥ disguised at { 2:29 PM }

Thursday, February 26, 2009

No more gas in the rig,
Can't even get it started.
Nothing heard, nothing said.
Can't even speak about it.
All my life on my head.
Don't want to think about it,
Feels like I'm going insane.

And so this video was what I came across while in the midst of trying to come up with some cheorography for "umbrella" and doing some researching for the costumes.
Omg, they're really good.
The song, the storyline, the chemistry... SPEECHLESS!
It totally activated my tearducts.
Really sweet stuff. Hah.
I've got so much time in my hands now and I'm enjoying every single second of it.
I'll probably hog Disney Channel for the rest of today, tomorrow and saturday.
Playhouse Disney isn't all that bad either, Strawberry Shortcake was on just now and I like it! Wooohoo.
If you don't watch or like it, it's your lost. Ahahaha.
3 more days and I'm goneeeee (with the wind)
The packing part sucks and I haven't started yet.
I'm like nervous, scared and excited all at the same time.
It's just so weird.

♥ disguised at { 2:57 PM }

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The broken clock is a comfort,

it helps me sleep tonight,

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time.

I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts,

I am damaged at best,

like you've already figured out.

I'm doomed, no joke.

Microbiology paper was AWESOME-ly crappy.

I didn't realise that there was a page 8 until the last 20 minutes. Sweet.

38 marks worth of questions.

I rushed through them and left like quite a number of blanks here and there.

MCQ and the short answer questions were pretty smooth but my last page!!!!

I'm gonna plant a grenade on myself man.

It's compulsory and a 100% positive that I NEED to pass.
A pass is essential, not a want.

Ok, I shall just shut up cuz I'm not making any sense but I'm really freaking out.

My fault, I gotta face the consequences.

Oh God, please help me. Pleaseeeeeee

♥ disguised at { 4:22 PM }

Monday, February 23, 2009

I'm so over IPC (that is if I don't fail it), so one down and two more to go.
It was kinda ok, but I still screwed up anyway.
Like section A was pretty easy but when section B came.... Whooooo!
It blew my mind and my marks, I saw the marks flying out of the window one by one.
I've done my not-so-good calculations and relised that I gave about 30 marks to the rubbish bin.
Isn't that neat or what? I'd say it is!
At least it was a whole lot better than Organic Chem last sem.
If I'm meant to retake this module again next sem, then so be it.
Cuz if that happens, muahaha.... I'M L-E-A-V-I-N-G!

Been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead says:
it' nonsense
ok then what does PRC do?
So caught in emotion. says:
urh
create fake eggs and tainted milk?
Been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead says:
your head!
hahahahaha
So caught in emotion. says:
PRC what
people's republic of china
Been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead says:
your mom!
ahahhahahahahahah
So caught in emotion. says:
yours!
hahahahh
Been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead says:
Whoops, I meant PCR.

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

♥ disguised at { 12:57 PM }

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I feel that most recently, hatred have gotten the best of me and that I've been hating everything around me more that I actually should.

I knew that there gotta be something that's gotta worth my sunshine smile....

And so..... Self-discovery!!!!

Disney channel makes me really really really happy.

Euphoric, for that matter.

I started smiling to myself when "this is me" started playing on the radio just afew seconds ago?

Is that Crazy or what.

Radio Disney drives me awesomely nuts (in a good way) just the same!

I'm such a Disney hoe, so what?

♥ disguised at { 7:34 PM }

Just tell me why wasn't I surprised when you said you would but it turned out that you didn't.
It's not all that big an issue and it's not my intention to blow things up but there're way too many things I don't get.
Perhaps, you've never quite been able to see through that numerous facade I've been puting up just to make things easier for you.
All these while I'm being other than what is apparent, I've been faking it.
Being so caught up with this "character" and thinking that I'm something I'm not, you too have fallen for it terribly.
I figured that it's either you forgot what the deal was back then, maybe it was just a lie you decided to come up with to inhumane-ly dig the truth out of me or maybe I've not been the Jac you always thought I was.
Again, at the end of the day, I guess it just meant more than me than it did to you.

Grown up
She just turned 16
Stuck in the moment
Dead at the scene
And it's on tonight
This is the life that you wanted, right?
So turn off all the lights
Dressed up just like a movie star
At all the parties they'll know who you are
Wouldn't it be great, to be fashionably late?
So why don't you wait, till you're sedated

♥ disguised at { 12:16 AM }

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

5 more days! F-I-V-E!!!
This whole exam thing is creeping into my head in massive speed and overtaking every possible inch of sanity I'm left with.
But why, I'm almost done going through everything that was taught this semester.
Just a couple of chapters here and there.
Procrastination is the big fat ginormous problem.
The clock is ticking louder than it should as I'm sitting here typing this senseless post with no plans of picking up any lecture notes, or even trying to for that matter.
I'm wasting precious time and it's not doing me any justice.
My limbs are still aching a hell lot from Sunday's dance prac, it's like they're gonna fall off any minute.
It ain't helping when the prata, double cheeseburger, mocha frappe and cheesecake craving is sinking in!
I feel enormously fatttttt (cuz I am) but am so freakingass hungry.
Ok fine, I really think I should hit the books right now, this minute.

ps. At this point in time, I feel like I should do or say something. Alas, I can't bring myself to.

And finally the silence,
looking out, looking back across the sky,
Trying to find a meaning,
knowing that I just left it all behind
Still I smell a lingering softness
Where did she go, how did she go, I wanna know
I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me

♥ disguised at { 1:41 PM }

Friday, February 13, 2009

In a place where we only say goodbye.

It stung like a violent wind,

That our memories depend,

On a faulty camera in our minds.

And I knew that you were a truth,

I would rather lose,

Than to have never lain beside at all.

ps. I told myself never, but somehow my nevers are never permenant.
Today, I found myself believing you again
You just don't seem to understand, although sometimes I wished you would.
You don't even have the slightest clue at all.

♥ disguised at { 2:34 AM }

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Blunt-edged days

There're a million questions that will start rolling out of my mouth one by one if I were to open it now.
I was confused.
The others didn't get it but they still tried to answer as best as they could.
Convinced? I never were.
It felt as if everything was a lie.
I cried and I don't even know why I did.
They think I'm crazy, I do too.
I've been acting for way too long now, and I wanna quit pretending.
But there's just too many things I want and have to say, that's just impossible.

What cannot be seen:
our crumpled childhood
our scarred wrists
How we hated our bodies
How hard we tried
Your needle marks
My envy

♥ disguised at { 12:34 AM }

Sunday, February 08, 2009

I thought I was dead.

Botanic Garden outing and dance prac today!

That leaves me with....... NO TIME to do any studying or whatsoever.

I'll probably just fail my mibrobio practical test on tuesday and physiology common test on wednensday.

What the bleh.

Anyway, Chels and I have decided on bangs again.

Terrific!!!

I'm dying for a new Dickies cuz sooooo many people seem to be carrying the same bag as I am.

That's disgusting. Ewwwwwwwwww.

Some relatives were talking about overseas studying yesterday and I swear I would give anything (and I mean ANYTHING) up to leave Singapore this minute.

Australia. Like Duh-uhh.

Omg, I'm running late late late.

Byeeeeeeeeeee!

♥ disguised at { 9:56 AM }

Thursday, February 05, 2009

I swear I forgot everything I studied for common test.
What the hell is logarithm?! I got no freaking idea what it's all about.
And yes, I study for the sake of studying and once the exams are over everything flows outta my head to make way for things that shouldn't even be occupying that space.
Anyway, change of blog song.
I know it's kinda old but too bad, I like it.
And if you're not happy with it, then get lost. Hah!
Omg, I seriously got nothing better to do.
What the hell jac, go study!!!
Whatever man.
2 more weeks and I'm so over Year 1.
One more week till study break then it's the almighty exams.
And that means some people are leaving 1M04 to BLT or maybe some other classes.
I hate goodbyes cuz as Grace said, "they're always so final".
It's scaring me. VERY MUCH.
Oh wells, didn't meet lover yesterday cuz of the usual someone.
Didn't go out with Lia today cuz I didn't feel like it at the very last minute, possibly having one of the worst days, ever.
My mood have been whoooshing up and down these days, not a good sign.
It's like one moment I'm laughing like a bloody stupid hyena and the next I find myself in a crying jag.
Like what?!
Ok, enough emo talks.
Jonas's 3D in exactly 2 months. That's very gooooooooottt!
Probably the only good thing that's worth my excitement.
I'm so counting down, so am.

ps. There're so many things I wish I could say but if I did, it'll probably just make me look like a total fool, psycopath, moron, retard... followed by whole long list of negative adjatives. And sometimes I wish I could just stop and press the fast forward button to see if all these drama is worth it. I wanna quit playing this game, but it's seems almost impossible. I guess I'm the bad guy.

As she drove away she starts to smile,
Realized she hadn't for a while
No destination, she drove for miles
Wondering why she stayed in such denial.

♥ disguised at { 11:34 PM }

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Uh-oh, I'm in trouble.
Something's gonna come along and burst my bubble....
Ok, this is driving me nuts.
Guess what?
MOL! Surprise!
What the hell, someone's like helping me do it and he's taking such a long time!
Sherman Ho, you're such a smart snail. Hah. Quickleeeeeee!!!
Whatever, I'm like DOOMED.
45% for CCT is like boooooo.
Worse than biostats last sem which I didn't study for.
See, studying makes you stupider!
I have no idea what am I trying to prove here but MATH SUCKS.
However however however looking on the bright side, physio test was marvellous.
Like duh, cuz _______________________.
There're not many reasons why a test can be this awesome, so figure that out yourelf.

It's too late baby, there's no turning around
I got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud
This is how I do
When I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart
You want to get inside
Then you can get in line
But not this time

♥ disguised at { 8:11 PM }