Sunday, December 16, 2007
Emptiness and chaos is all I found.
When I walked the corridors of my mind.
I looked for a way out.
Blackness is all I saw.
Alone in fear.
Does anyone care?
Walls of solitude.
Bound me in chains.
There’s no door or window.
To escape.
I yell…I scream.
No one comes.
I’m destine to live.
To dwell.In the shadows.
Of my mind.
The things is I don't know my purpose in life anymore. Thoughts of death are the only thing that's keeping me sane...Why? Why do people lie? I hate myself for being me!
♥ disguised at { 5:02 PM }
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Hey! I actually changed the blogskin all by myself but of course not forgetting with Jeremy's company beside me. HAHA! Anyway, hope it's nicer than the previous one. Enjoy :)"Tattoo"
Oh, oh, oh
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind
[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have youI'll always have you, I'll always have you)
I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could
Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind
[Chorus]
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have youI'll always have you)
[Bridge]
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do
[Chorus X2]
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you
♥ disguised at { 2:43 PM }
I just read chelsea's blog. HAHA! It's kinda amazing she remembers stuff that i don't. For example, she remembers that i slept for 22 hours after last year's yz camp. It's been a year and it's still in her head. haha! However, she don't remember stuff like where and when we took pictures. Heh! She's crazy, but she's my bestest friend after all... Anyway, I'm kinda bored now, Jol and my sis is in the room watching tv while jeremy is having tuition with the oh-so amazing leng leng. Haha! I had to help him with his math homework. Well, i sorta volunteered to do it cuz i was afraid that my brain will go rusty if i don't use them. HA! Leonad Lee called yesterday and he's finally back from Japan! Not that i want him to come back but i gotta admit he's kinda funny but annoying at the same time. He had so many stories about the food, the people and especially the girls there. Hahahahahaha! He's damn selfish ok. Chelsea and i asked him to get quality green tea for us but at the end he just bought us chewing gum and chocolate! WHAT IS THIS?!? haha. I need to go shopping now!!! These few days staying indoors is just crazy. I can't wait for daddy and mummy to get back so i can check out the stuff they bought for us. YAY! Hehe. OMG! i just realise i havn't bought christmas presents for the others. Crap! Sheesh. Last year i gave them each a personalised photoframe which i designed myself. So what am i suppose to do this year? Oh man, this is brainwreking! ahaha! LALALA! I'm bored... dance lessons resumes only on the 2nd of Jan which is a long long time from now. By then i think i will probably have put on a little weight due to the festive season (Christmas and New Year). CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL!!! Guess i'll go change my blogskin now, with the help of jol. Hah! BYEEEE
♥ disguised at { 1:27 PM }
Friday, December 14, 2007
ALL THE ABOVE FORM FOREVE21! HINT HINT!!!♥ disguised at { 6:00 PM }
Finally! The internet at aunty lilan's house is fixed! Don't know what happened to it yesterday, but some computer guy came to service it just now. Now, we are all using the come secretly. Haha! Anyway, these few days staying at jol's house have been fun but sometimes when we're all doing our own stuff at different corners of the house, it can be quite boring and ANTISOCIAL (right jolene?). HAHAHA! Sigh...i got a a call from * last night, was kinda shocking cuz i thought we will never speak again after that call last time. We were crapping (which is good i guess?) and talking like before and i don't believe i actually didn't call chelsea back beacause i was talking to *. Sorry girl. * called me again just now but said something that totally made my heart sank agan. That phrase/sentence actually made me confused all over again. I thought i had gotten over everything but what * said made me realise part of me is still holding onto it very tightly. * even startng to talk like HER. But why? I know i have to let go and move on but how am i suppose to do it? I'm not brave enough and i'm not strong enough. Call me crazy an insane but that's the way it is. As much as i want to hate *, i just can't bring myself to do it. Oh wells, i really pray that God will show me a way cuz now i'm just stuck in the middle not knowing what is the next step i should take next.I'm really sad cuz i got a message from adel lover saying that rusti (her rabbit) has passed away. I was scared of him and would run away whenever he hops to me but i will still miss him. Spending 5 years with him, I can imagine the pain adel lover is going through now. Sigh...it's the hols now, so we can hardly meet each other. If only i could be there to comfort her now. I'll really miss that gray rabbit.
♥ disguised at { 4:44 PM }
Thursday, December 13, 2007
♥ disguised at { 6:12 PM }
I'm posting secretly now cuz the rest have gone to fetch jonathan kor kor to tekong. It's his first day at ns, quite sad though. haha! Anw, i'll be staying here (jol's house) tills sunday. Our parents are all at Homg Kong so we sorta have the whole house to ourselves! yay! except for the fact that 2 of Uncle Andrew's sisters are coming to take care of the house. Well Well, yesterday dance class was quite fun. We learnt a new routine and we danced to the song "so excited" by Janet Jackson. Should check that song out. It's just so groovy and NICE! ahahaha! Was kinda upset with myself cuz Samantha picked four people that she thought was better in the sense that they had the "feel" there, and i was not one of them. Sigh...yes yes, i'm rather competitive and have a very high expectation of myself. Especially when it comes to dancing. I know it may sound weird and crazy but DANCING IS MY LIFE! Guess i'll have to just practice and practice and hope the next lesson will be better.
PS: I THINK I LIKE YOU! BUT I KNOW I CAN'T...
♥ disguised at { 1:14 PM }
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Just came back from synod youth camp yesterday. It was fun but not as enjoyable as i expected. We had to sleep on the last night can you believe it?
Like it was not as exciting as last year's yz camp. Had a bad experience too though... kinda left not only me but the rest traumatised for abit. Never thought thjat it might actually happen to me out of so many people. Sigh... Anyway, this camp also made me realise people's true colours. In both a good as well as a not very pleasing way. Maybe you already know where I'm getting at but it have affected many.
You might have realised that we're distancing. Eversince you became so "popular" amongst those people, you started acting different, what more looking different. I may be a no one to judge your appearance and the way you carry yourself. But i must say that you've truly changed into someone totally beyond recognition. It hurts me everytime i see you acting that way. Why have you changed so much? What have happened to all the times we shared our secrets? What have happened to all the times we laughed/cry/mourn/get angry/go crazy together? All i can say is that you've really let all of us down. Just because of your "joy" you didn't even care about us, all you ever bother is yourself. Have you ever thought about how selfish you are? Maybe not, because you're just blinded and caught up with entertaining those people. Why did you even lie in the first place? Why did you give the wrong information when you knew you were gonna change your mind? One thing we all don't understand is what is your problem? You're making me hate you!
♥ disguised at { 5:27 PM }