Thursday, October 30, 2008

HAPPY 17th LOVER ER ER ER!!!
Thanks for being the awesome bestestfriend that you are, listening to me rant on and on and on about my troubles and nonsense. Hah.
Life wouldn't be the same without you and your crappiness together with dom :D
Haha, those little stories about Jiselle makes my day although sometimes I don't seem to appreciate her as much as you do.
I just don't see why I should. Hah
Anyway...
HAPPY SWINGGIN SEVENTEEN.
I'll see you in about 20 hours from now :)
Love you long time Adeline Jeanne Tan Kim Ling.


I'm gonna change my specs!!! Yayee!
My current red one is boring and I'm getting tired of it. Hahaha.
It's either black or marbled maroon this time. Wakakakakaka!
I'm gonna try looking studious for once. Hah! Retarded nerd.
CATS and S&W tomorrow, stupid Fridays.
There's so much and too much homework to be done by next week.
It's getting on my nerves!





Sometimes it's easier for me to pretend rather than face my feelings.
Sometimes it's easier to try & make it alone rather than risk getting hurt again.
Sometimes it's easier to be numb towards certain people so I don't let them get too close.
Sometimes I'm scared, but when I'm cold towards you it doesn't mean I don't care,
it just simply means I that care too much.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Coming across one after another in my mind, the feeling of despair sinks its teeth deeper into what you'd think is the flesh of your heart. The every spark of hope that I felt, wanting to believe in it fully and entirely sometimes get crushed by the very simplest of statements. Maybe not with intention, but more of unawareness. Then those little angels that come flying by but accidently presses the 'I'm not really getting the meaning of what you're saying' button and falls down back to earth, causing more indepth pressure which aggrevates. So heck, freaking pick your troubled laiden body of the damn cold floor and push your stupid pessmistic self up the damn ladder and don't look back.
Well, it's all easier said than done.
Nothing ever seems to turn out right around here anymore.
Ok, maybe some things do. But not for long.
I found myself thinking of every possible excuse and making them up just to feel better.
I realised I was biting my lips till it bled a little.
I realised my nails were digging into the flesh of my other arm.
I realised my vision started to blur.
It was then that everything started to make sense- I was crying over nothing.





Ninety miles outside Chicago
I can't stop driving I don't know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later, you're still on my mind

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

MOL sucks! MOL sucks! MOL sucks!
I can't believe I actually wasted my time and brain cells on that stupid math online thing.
Damn it, I was suppose to get 3 red stars but at the end they only gave me one!
What nonsense is this? Tsk, cheat my feelings.
Anyway, math test today was good I guess.
At least I had a rough idea of how to go about doing the questions.
But even so, the topics at the back is getting more and more difficult by the day.
And it ain't helping when that crazy Mrs Kwoh is going super fast, like catching train luh.
I'm starting to not get what she's teaching.
Not surprisingly, she scolded me for laughing during lecture and being too noisy during tutorial.
But it's not my fault... the lesson was so boring and I was trying to keep myself entertained! You can't blame me.
Heh.
School starts at 8 tomorrow, all the way to 5 with no break!
Everyone's gonna die. Haha.
I've decided that I'm gonna cut my hair!
After the 11th of November that is.
I can't possibly go to the wedding looking totally diasastrous with the "all-gone-wrong" hairstyle.
But I've still yet to decide what I want. Maybe Ramiele Malubay's style.
I gotta go do math exercise 4 now. Wonderful.




Today is a winding road
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Today in the blink of an eye
I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried
I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Monday, October 27, 2008

Mom's getting worried.
I guess in her mind she thinks that her older daughter is becoming a freak!
Like I've been doing my homework over and over again for the past 3 days.
One example, I finished all the math homework yesterday but I'm re-doing all of it now.
And the sleep over at Jol's place on saturday was mostly spent on studying.
See! Jac's not being Jac!
Ok maybe, cuz there's math test tomorrow and I'm getting all anxious about it.
But then again it's just some stupid class test!
I need to chill man.




Why is the bedroom so cold turned away on your side
Is my timing that flawed our respect run so dry
Yet there's still this appeal that we've kept through our lives

Friday, October 24, 2008

School was alright I guess, afterall it's Friday and it's the long weekends.
Wait, it's not suppose to be a good thing right?
Whatever. CATS class was quite fun but the teacher freaking pissed the crap out of me!
He released us at 3:02pm when S&W was suppose to start at 3 SHARP.
Any latecomers will be marked as late/ absent and have to do make up trainings.
His reason for letting us go late was because he started late. Wtf!
On the brighter side, soccer was awesome.
We did the 4 type kicking thing(inside foot, outside foot, sole and lace).
There was minimal physical and that's good.
"I'm not like the other coaches. I will not make you run round and round. It doesn't help, cuz that only teach you how to run."
Field soccer rocks more than anything man. Hah.
And and and, the new pitch will be ready by next week so we'll be using it.
Yippperdiday! Hahaha.
Yup, so today was fine.
But somehow I'm starting to feel kinda sore.
About what? I don't know. Seriously.
Oh wells, it's gonna add to another sleepless night.

ps. I'm on a high level of confusion.
The facts are so clear but I just hate accepting them.
Like who am I to be saying/ doing all these, I know.
But it's really hard to just keep silent about it.
I don't know what to do, I seriously don't.





Do you cry out in your sleep all my failings exposed
And there's a taste in my mouth as desperation takes hold
Is it something so good just can't function no more
When love, love will tear us apart again

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Wakakakakakkakakakaka.
I'm either gonna get a heart attack or maybe die due to excessive pumping of blood in my body.
I just think so... Hah.
My math homework is finally done, that's besides the 4 questions that I don't know how to do.
So difficult luh, it gives me a headache. Hahah.
I'm like really really tired now.
Woke up at 2am last night and no matter how I tried I jut couldn't go back to sleep.
I guess there was just so much in my head.
But the funny thing is that I can't remember what was going through my mind then.
Sweet nibblets, now my memory's failing and dying on me.
Anyway, I'm still contemplating whether to get my hair cut.
I need break from my daily mundane oh-so-boring hairstyle.
The colour's fine, but then again I can't bear to chop my long hair off.
It's way too precious!
Tsk, damn all these hairy problems. Ahahahahaha!
Oh snap! There's soccer tomorrow. I kinda forgot about it for a moment.
Yes, you read it right. Jac's doing S-O-C-C-E-R for S&W!!!
I don't even know why I chose that.
And I'm very sure that physical training is gonna kill on account that I haven't really ran for a gazilion years.
Wish me luck!






And fly around in circles,
Wait then as my heart drops,
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it.
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Well done to me, I've officially failed my first class quiz for this semester.
MICROBIOLOGY- 4/10
But after some alterations it became 5/10.
Yes yes, I so cheated and I ain't feeling very good about it. Hah.
I hate surprise tests!!! They just make you feel so dumb.
Just did this online quiz on lab safety rules and I got like 80% for the first attempt.
Second attempt, 90%. Wth.
We're suppose to get it all correct by now. Urghh.
The best thing is that there's math class test next week.
It's either I pass or I die, bless my soul.
There're like tons of homework this week and it's getting annoying.
Knowing how to do them is one thing, but the problem is that I don't!
Oh joy, I'm prepared to retake all my modules again.
Forget it.
Well, today was good I guess.
The "culcattians" finally reunite babeh. Whoots.
Hahaha. Uncle Nick's birthday went according to plan, in fact even better than expected.
Everyone's glad that everything's ok now :D
But... somehow I'm not really satisfied with life just yet. I don't know why.





And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

First things first, good luck to those who're sitting for the O levels this year!
Namely: Jolene, Deborah, Joceline, Nicholas, Mariah, Constance, Ming Hui, Elaine, Kerlene, Vienna, Anthea, Freda, Lilia, Ratih and the list goes on and on and on...
I was suppose to post this yesterday but I kinda forgot. Haha.
Anyway, there's like alottttt of shitty math homework today.
I'm so gonna die doing them.
And omg, the teacher is so naggy please.
"Jacklyn ah... can you please cut down your noise"
"Shhhhhh, aiyo! Tsk tsk tsk, can you stop talking. Your friends want to learn..."
Excuse me lady, I like to talk cannot is it?
That's what makes me JAC. Yayeee :D
Talking is a vital part of my life, I talk to live. Hahahah.
Too bad, too sad. Boohoo. Heh.
Mom fetched me from school today and it wasn't exactly a good thing.
Because she took me to subway for lunch when I initially planned to not eat.
Calories calories calories! Terrible.

ps. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking.
There was this undescribable feeling and this sudden urge but I knew I had to pull back.
I can't afford to screw up, not this time.




I don't wanna hear my time will come
When it feels like it's already here
We should learn to walk before we run
But why go anywhere when you're so near
'Cause when I reach out to you
So sad and confused
And feeling like I could cry
You dry my eyes

Monday, October 20, 2008

I'm finally cured!!!
Well, not exactly fully but it's still better than having the condition stay stagnant :D
Forget it if you don't get what I'm saying. Haha.
Chelsea Chia! Thank you for reminding me to be patient time and time again. Awesome advice. Hahah.
OMG! I just realised that I'm actually posting about good stuff.
AMAZING!!!
But it's not as if I'm really really really elated. Like dancing-on-air kind of happy, just better than usual I guess. Hah.
Anyway, there's 4 hours of math tomorrow and it's so gonna bore the shit outta me.
IPC is like crap cuz I'm already starting to not listen during lectures.
So much for "gotta stop fooling around this sem..."
I got no idea how I'm gonna pass.





I'll need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz everytime I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get my by

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I'm still counting, and it's been 33 unbelievable hours.
I don't even know what's happening!
The fact that I'm still here posting is a miracle.
Yes, what a retarded miracle!
Oh sheesh! It's really not my intention to sound so angsty but I just can't help it.
Whatever. I can't/ shouldn't be bothered about it anymore(actually I still do).
Anyway, yesterday was good I guess. That's besides the very fact that... forget it.
So this was basically what happened.
- Novena church for service with nat at 2, then to her house for lunch.
- Lover (and dom) came and gave us the biggest surprise of our lives cuz she initially said she couldn't make it.
- Lover left for dom's house so nat and I met shasha at serangoon mrt at 4 then headed down to suntec.
- Went to macs cuz nat wanted her fries then to cotton on.
- Decided to walk to peninsular where shasha and I got our hoodies. (By the way, the walk from suntec all the way to peninsular was a killer! It was like super long but nat kept saying "it's just up ahead, it's just up ahead". Hah.)
- I had to leave at 7 so we walked to cityhall to take a train to pasir ris.
- Mom picked me up from there, then went to jol's house.
- Had dinner and sat around till about 12am, then finally home.

Yup, that's about it.
Oh oh oh! And I found out alot alot alot of things.
And it's amazing how some people get so desperate that they just throw themselves to anyone. Like even random people.
I say "double-ewwww-tee-heige". WHAT THE HELL!
Gross. I can't believe it, it still gives me the shudders! Gag.



Occasionally I wished I could walk through a picture window and have the sharp, broken shards slash me to ribbons so I would finally look like I felt.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

"the show (house bunny isit?) wasn't that good, quite standard plot and the CHIJ girls were screaming randomly throughout the movie. maybe seeing the girls on screen made them excited??"

The above taken was from a blog that belongs to a very very nice classmate of mine.
What a joker!
IJ girls = Best screamers in the whole universe :D
That's what we're good at. It's natural talent man. Hah!


It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They can comfort you, some even try
They nurse you when you're ill of health
They bury you when you go and die
It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They'd stick by you if they could
But that's just bullshit
People just ain't no good

Friday, October 17, 2008

I spent the whole of last night thinking.
Thinking about things that are happening at this point of my life, things that have happened and those that seems like it's going to happen.
I kinda realised that all good things come to an end, this is life.
No matter how hard we try to hold on, it just has to end.
And then from there we learn to move on, that's where we get stuck.
But when we find ourselves slowly letting go of the past,
we see that the viscious cycle repeats itself over again.
Nothing right ever stay right for long. Well, at least not for me.
To me, being truly happy and satisfied with life is just an illusion.
Sometimes I wish I was living in a world that is a whole lot less complicated.
In a simpler place, slow moving pace.
I don't want to die knowing I was living with regrets all along.
Okay I don't know what I'm rambling about now, must be the stress from homework.
Let's just say life isn't treating me very well now.

PS. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that this is going to hurt.
It's gonna be a long long wait.
I guess it just means more to me than you.
(Oh shit, I shouldn't be saying this)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Damn, I've been feeling like crap these two days, and the feeling is horrible Like absolutely horrible, the moodswings just drives me wonky.
I get really happy and depressed and pissed of all at the same time.
What's happening to my brain? Hah, I need a counsellor man!
To make things worse, I just found out that I don't know a single soul in my CATS class. What the bleh!
I saw the namelist and all the names are like super werid (except for mine). GREAT.
I can practically just reach for the sharpest object in front of me and stab myself right now.
Gotta decide on either badminton or dance for S&W. But I want soccer too.
It's so difficult to decide, damn it.
And I'm still contemplating whether to go for morning or afternoon lessons.
Daddy say I should go for the 8am class and he'll write a letter to get me transferred.
That's good but then again... Ah! I don't know luh.
Friday is officially the worstest day of the week! Urghhh!
Omg, life just hates me!




[grace] says:
dont worry la. maybe tmr when you go there, you see someone you know

See that girl. Watch that scene, diggin the dancin queen says:
if I wanna change then what reason i give?

[grace] says:
you give some excuse that you afternoons got something important. maybe they'll change you to morning class. morning more our class ppl

See that girl. Watch that scene, diggin the dancin queen says:
really?! omg! I'll try. As you know I can't lie very well *uh-hem uh-hem* hahah

[grace] says:
write letter. more convincing. ask your parents help you lie

See that girl. Watch that scene, diggin the dancin queen says:
Yeah! Then scully I go your class man. Hahahaha. But like i got no reason that's valid and important

[grace] says:
er, doctor appt every friday afternoon

See that girl. Watch that scene, diggin the dancin queen says:
funny ah you. Siao! hahahaha. They think I got mental problem.

See that girl. Watch that scene, diggin the dancin queen says:
OH!!!!!!!! Say I got to see a physiotherapist and stuff

[grace] says:
counselling. they cannot question. heh

See that girl. Watch that scene, diggin the dancin queen says:
hahahaha. They'll think I'm a psyco. Ok ok! I'll try. I want morninggggg.




Dear (A), you're acting as if nothing happened. I guess you're just being who you are and maybe you're happy with your life, good for you.
Dear (B), you got me and now this whole feeling ain't going away, it doesn't seem like it ever will. How how how? Oh wells...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I'm having mixed feelings right now and I can't seem to find the right words to articulate.
Everything around me is just pissing me off, and I mean EVERYTHING.
I swear I'm on the verge of braking down like a mental person. It's fucxing stupid.
I've really got nothing else to say cuz it seems like I'm just gonna kill myself one day.
Omg! It rhymes... I'm good at this man. Hah! Ok, whatever.
School's total crap.
Well, not exactly 100% terrible but like the modules this sem sucks more than anything in this whole wide world.
STUDYING IS A TORTURE TO THE HUMAN RACE!!!
Let's go protest and march in front of the president's house.
SAY NO TO STUDIES! Yay yay yay!
Oh goodness me, I don't even know what I'm talking about.
I'm going nutsy man.
Oh yeah. Almost all the lecturers think I'm really noisy. Wth.
Ok fine, I'm like noisier and crazier compared to last sem BUT that's good right?
Basically, life's just a joke and it's being a real bitch.





And then I understood that's how it ends.
She said, "Well, it's much harder than I thought."
I guess it's always easier to lie.
She said, "Well, ask me anything you want."
But I was much too frightened to ask why.
I guess it doesn't matter why we failed,
Or why the harshest truths must be unveiled
After the last train has come and gone.
What happened lies too deep for me to know.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Love, highly retarded gays :D


Look! I can still write chinese! Amazing (Warning: Explicit contents. What I wrote is utter rubbish and it doesn't make any sense so don't be surprise.)



Oh momma Jeremy.


Awwwwwww... My foot!


16 more hours! 16 more hours!
I so CAN wait. The longer the better. Hahaha.
Next holiday- Deepavali.
But it's only a one day break! Wth.
I think I'll elope to India and never come back.
It's not a bad idea actually... cuz I get to eat prata and more prata all day long.
Wakakakakakaka. I realise I keep saying that now. Totally inspired by the one and only Ellen Degeneres.
Anyway, I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!
I think I'll cry like how I did on the first day of primary one.
For 4 whole months, I cried everyday before going to school.
Haha. Jac Jac, grow up damn it!
Urghh, I don't know why I hate school so much but I gotta psyco myself to love it all over again.
Oh! Daddy told me Alonso won the F1 race in Japan. Yayee
Two consecutive winnings!
Yeah babeh! Told you he's good. Haha









Finally, the air is cleared. And I'm really really happy that we're totally cool now. I screwed up once but it'll be a total different story from now on. The three of us, just like before. I love you natL.

♥ disguised at { 5:58 PM }

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Two more days of holiday left. OH MY MOMMA!!!
This is terrible. Kill me!
Anyway, watch America's got talent people!
Awwwwwwww. Kaitlyn Maher is sooooo adorable :D

Jac: Oh my gosh, so many people's birthday fall on the same day. Yesterday! Damn cool.
Nat: What? Who?
Jac: *starts naming the people and in there were two awesome names mentioned"
Nat: Walau eh! Fated man. Both their names start with the same two alphabets.
Jac: Fated?!? Wahahahahahaha. Oh please!

My sister is a super nutcase, she's screw-loose. Fullstop





I am in the wilderness
You are in the music
In that car next to me
Somewhere in my sadness
I know I won't fall apart completely.

♥ disguised at { 12:05 PM }

Friday, October 10, 2008

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I L-O-V-E CHRISTIAN SIRIANO and TOM KAULITZ!!!
Marry me, please please pleaseee. Wakakakaka
Ok, I know I'm like random but seriously. They're hot, like scorching hawtt!
Go google them. Go go go! Hahah.
Yay, they make me happy :D
Siriano is heart yo. Whooooots!



And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of truth in your lies,
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

♥ disguised at { 2:11 PM }

Thursday, October 09, 2008

I wanna go back to secondary school! TO STUDY!!!
This crazy feeling just crept up and all if a sudden I thought that of I actually failed my Os and retain, it's not so bad. Haha.
I mean, there're so many plus points.
1) Poly holidays just suck cuz when everyone is having their holidays, our school reopens. And when everyone's having their exams, we're having our holiday. Wth.
2) Wearing school uniform is so so so so much easier cuz you don't have to wake up early in the morning to match your clothes and worry about what you wanna wear. Urghh, It's a chore!
3) We don't have to walk from one block to another after each lesson. Dreadful!
4) I don't have to travel very far to school last time, unlike now.
5) I LOVE SECONDARY SCHOOL FOOD!!! Heh.
Omg, I just miss that ij thing going on in there. When everyone's so high and happy and noisy everyday. Pure Bliss man. Hahah :D
AHHHHHHH! I feel like skipping the whole first week of school next week!
Anyway, House Bunny is goooood. Bloody hilarious.
But I still think Mama Mia's still the first and second is House Bunny. Hah.
The weather sucks like anything man.
It's raining EVERYDAY and so sentosa date with chelsea was like shitty. Haha.
Oh oh oh! Saw thongs(fat legs), jamie, chow, adeline woon and germaine on tuesday! Awesome :)
I miss them shizzz.




Through the keyhole darkly
The eye of all things past
Of whom I can never become
I can't hear my own heartbeat

♥ disguised at { 12:29 PM }

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Window panes come crashing down
Amidst the tears and pain
Vanishing hopes are gone and flew away
Up above through twilight
Shadows cast across the floor
Reflections of the past
Trembling thoughts of one
Dwelling deep within the soul
A mystical sense of reality
Captured by the craze
All in bewilderment
Of the shock in the wave
Creatures of the dimness
Chattering amongst the green
Everything slows in stillness
What is this we see?

ps. Awkwardness is gonna kill me

♥ disguised at { 10:23 AM }

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Didn't have Max Brenner last night which I figured wasn't a bad thing afterall cuz I had a single scoop of Andersen's instead.
And all that equals to less guity and NOT SO FAT. Good! Haha.
But still, we were at carls junior before that and like I had chilli cheese fries which was soooooo good!!!
So that totally maxed out my calorie intake for I think almost the next three weeks or something.
Urghh, annoying annoying annoying!


Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down

♥ disguised at { 11:45 AM }

Friday, October 03, 2008

It could have been me!!!
I took my chances the last time but NO.
I'm so getting hysterical about it. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The hair's just so awesome and sexy and oh-am-gee, just kickass.
Once again, I'm falling for it.
Like how it was years ago.
Waaaahaaaa. Love the gravity defying thing going on there!
Oh shut up already jac, you are mad mad MAD! Haha.
Dinner later with people and Max Brenners is gonna be as good as ever :)



Smiling bitterly rather than weep
I tried to get some sleep
Knowing that it’s the only escape
From the wounds beneath my cape
Hoping I’d never open my eyes
Even when the sun will rise

♥ disguised at { 3:45 PM }

Thursday, October 02, 2008

I put my hands up and surrender to life.
It seems like life's taking control of me, and not the other way round.
I'm giving up.
Guess I won't even try from now on.
Jac, you just screwed yourself up so bad! Hooray, three cheers to you!!!
Someone please help me snap out of it.
Not only is my mental state going kabooyee but I'm physically crapped up too.
My body's going bonkers.
Like my eczema is back and my skin is tearing, I pulled my arm muscle and I can't move it, my palm is...forget it and I've got a uber hot balooku on my left thigh!
Just fire a cannon at me now!

ps. I change my mind, I think I'm happy now.


So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness
oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

♥ disguised at { 12:35 PM }

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

The joke's on me. BIG TIME.
What did I just do?!?
I am weak willed. Swear I'm a fool!
I go on and on saying things that make me sound like a total nutcase freak.
It is just so ... unexplainable.
I have multiple feelings a day and it's getting annoying.
But why! Am I not a single bit surprised.
Me, a potential patient of woodbridge!


We used to face each other
on the bridge inside the wall
now it's desolate and empty
it's begun to crack and fall
There is a constant dripping
yet tears go unshed
a puddle gathers at my feet
a pool of deep dark red
you forgot your average flower
and found a beautiful rose
if I were you I wonder -
which I would have chose?

♥ disguised at { 12:01 PM }