Wednesday, November 28, 2007

JOL AND JAC!!!

Monday, November 26, 2007

I thought i will learn to accept the truth or at least part of it. But after so long i still can't get hold of the right way to face everything. I admit that i'm the one who started this but why did you have to continue? When you knew it already hurt like crap, you had to add on. why? I trusted you and confided in you whenever i had problems between "us" but you just threw all of it away. You burnt it. I know i don't have any rights to tell you what to do or what not to do but don't you think you've went too far? You might call me a b*tch or whatever but i'm sorry, i don't care! You'll think that i'm just out to ruin your life, but you did nore than killing me inside. I know i told you that i'll be alright and that i wouldn't mind, but it's an obvious lie isn't it? I also know that yoy feel really bad about it and you're willing to do anyhting say, but what's the point? When things have reached this stage, me telling you what to do is of no use. Well, i guess i can't really hate you or blame you, it's just merely lies and empty promises you made. I'm not supre if i'll ever trust you again...

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Am listening to "over you" by Chris Daughtry for the millionth time hoping that u will somehow be able to relate to the song, but to no avail. The song prbably does help come people get strong and realise they gotta move on, but for me, that's not the case. Being able to let go of something/someone that was once so dear to you, really , truly, utterly, completely need alot of courage. That is what i am lacking.The reason is simple: we have so many memories, so many things to look back on. I learnt and gained so much. Deep in my heart I'm suffering, knowing that í will never get back what i've lost. I may seem happy and carefree, but the truth is it's all an act. I just wanna put up a strong face so that i will not make anyone around me worried. Well, these memories can be quite a scar as each day passes by. Things that i don't wish toi think about keeps flashing back in my head. Sometimes it hurts so much that i wish i would get into an accident, hit my heaad so damn hard and forget everything, every single bad memory. It feels as though what i'm going through now is the outcome of what i have done in the past. Maybe things wouldn't have ended up like this if i knew how to differentiate the rights from the wrongs. I don't know aht it means to feel this way but i just seem to be losing myself. Tears fall so easily now, as everywhere i look, there will always be something that reminds me of the past. Perhaps i'm just insane but the pain is unbearable...it's too painful


The pain that doesn't kill just makes you wish it had...


jac
6:00pm
home

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Hey all. oh man, i does feel good being able to post once again after a long long time. yeah, well, thins have not been all right for me. That's what i feel, at least. I'm not sure why but i keep making the wrong turn to find where i truly belong. Things just doesn't go right around here anymore. Sometimes it just hurts so bad that i wonder if this really is my life. Like am i the right Jac with the right soul? It really is traumatizing to love somebody so damn much and getting hurt at the end. Although it wasn't a long one but i swear it was the best. Crazy as it may seem but i'm just falling deeper. Things i don't wish to think about keeps hitting back at me. WHY? Somebody tell me...

Besides those sad stuff i guess i'm fine! O's actually ended today! Yay! Party all day long... am at Adel lovers hse now. Nat lover, Sha and Mands are here too. Never had so much fun in my life before. Gotta get going now... byeeeee! love all <3


jac
9:35pm
adel lover's place